All the feels.

I've sat down at least 3 times this past week to complete unfinished posts I have in the archives but the second my fingers hit the keys my thoughts instantly poof into thin air.  Whenever I have so many words swirling in my head, I typically go into self inflicted writers block as far as this blog is concerned.  The only way I can think to break through this is to just write.  So enjoy this blog post of scattered thoughts, stories and emotions.  So many emotions. #allthefeels

My heartstrings are being pulled into so many different directions lately.  I'm feeling especially emotional and sensitive to the biggest of big or the smallest of small things.  January was a hard month for me, and I'm thrilled to say that February is not following suit.  Two weekends ago, we spent a long weekend at Snowy with the family and the second we pulled into the parking lot, I immediately felt myself calm down and unwind.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - those nieces and nephews of ours are magical.  We spent the entire weekend laughing, cuddling, chasing, playing, smooching, hugging and laughing some more.  We had a pretty special birthday on Sunday and everyone came together in perfect unity to celebrate.

There are so many changes and potential changes on the horizon.  I'm finding myself caught up on what could be that I'm not focusing on what is.  For reasons I can't explain, I'm feeling especially nostalgic and emotional about every. little. thing. that comes my way.  Hunter and I watched Into the Wild a few weeks ago and you guys.  I'm embarrassed to even type this out but at the end of the movie I was in such hysterics we literally just laid in bed with Hunter holding me as I shook from crying so hard and he whispered positive thoughts into my ear.  Yesterday was my dad's 61st birthday and I wrote a little note on Facebook wishing him a Happy Birthday, then proceeded to just sit there and cry for 15+ minutes about how much I love him and what an amazing man he is.  I really can't explain either of those two examples but they were very real.  Just ask Hunter.  Ha!

This time of year is always a fun one for us.  Three years ago right around this time is when Hunter and I really hit our stride in our relationship and had so many amazing firsts going on.  Our first New Years together, our first Valentine's Day, celebrating our birthdays for the first time together, our first spontaneous weekend get away together etc.  Being up at Snowy last weekend brought back hundreds of memories from when we lived up there 2 winters ago.  I desperately miss seeing those kiddos on a daily basis and I really love watching the interaction of Hunter with his brother and his dad, yet I love our life here in Steamboat and can't even imagine leaving.  It's hard sorting through missing someone and something so fiercely and figuring out how to get it back in your life in a healthy manner.

I've been playing with my diet more and more the past few weeks.  During the holidays I definitely introduced meat into my diet on a regular basis, but I didn't love that I did.  I've been craving different foods…non-vegan foods lately and it was freaking me out.  I never really understood the phrase "Listen to what your body wants" because I always thought that meant I would be eating french fries and nachos and tater tots daily with the excuse of "What?!  It's what my body wanted!"  But the past few weeks I have been craving eggs so this time I'm understanding that on whatever level, my body wants and needs the nutrition in eggs.  Eggs don't necessarily agree with my system, so that's been challenging but I'm still figuring it all out.  I'm toying with the idea of doing my Crazy Sexy Diet cleanse after Hunter's birthday to kind of reset my body.  I've always had such a great experience with that cleanse, I'm excited for the challenge again.  Hunter and I watched { I re-watched but it was the first time Hunter had seen it } the Hungry for a Change documentary { it's also on Netflix! }.  I truly feel like I could watch movie that once a day for an entire month and never tire of the knowledge and wisdom packed into the 90 minutes.  I can relate to various topics in the film that it felt good to have someone spell different questions or concerns out for me.  My favorite part was the ending where it talked about self love and how much our thoughts and actions can affect { positively and negatively! } our health.  Self love and care is something I need to make more of a priority in my life.

Hunt's birthday is in 9 days { I mean….who is counting?! } and I have a surprise trip planned for him that I am so crazy excited for.  I can't wait to pack up and get away with my main squeeze and file away another great birthday trip in the books.  Last year we spent his birthday weekend at Monarch for a relaxing and lovely ski weekend while the year before we had a long { amazing, perfect, adventurous, spontaneous, beautiful } weekend skiing our way through Montana for his birthday.  I really think this trip will live up to the excitement of years past.  It's a surprise for Hunter but I've been giving him Clue Cards the past few weeks letting him in on a few highlights of the trip and will tell him on his birthday where we are going { we leave the day after his birthday, the 26th! }.  Eep!

We spread our Valentine's Day celebration over 2 days this year.  Hunter and I both worked on Valentine's Day but we got an early morning workout and hot springs soak in together before we both headed off to work.  I had a few yummy snacks { stuffed mushrooms + buffalo chicken quesadillas + roasted asparagus and brussels sprouts with an aioli + chips and our favorite salsa } ready for snacking when Hunter got off work at 9:30p with my favorite wine and his favorite beer surrounded by the soft glow of candles scattered throughout the house.  It was a fun intimate way to wind down from the day and enjoy the last bit of Valentine's Day together!  Sunday we both had the day off, so I spent some time in the kitchen first thing in the morning making us a really delicious breakfast { like super delicious.  I don't even feel embarrassed telling you guys how good something I made was.  ha! #notevenclosetohumblebrag #straightupbrag } and then we packed up and headed out skiing for a few hours.  The snow was less than ideal, but we skied for about an hour and a half before landing at our favorite ski bar { T Bar! } for a few beers.  We came home and relaxed a bit before our dinner reservations at Cafe Diva.  Holy Mother of Food Gods was it absolutely incredible.  Everyone in town has talked about how amazing this restaurant was and I was really worried about it not living up to the hype.  But!  It completely surpassed my expectations.  It's certainly a once a year special occasion meal { read: $$$$$$$ }, but I feel so lucky we were able to go.  Hunter got the Elk Tenderloin while I got the Winter Mushroom Fettucine.  We also shared the Peanut Butter and Bacon Sandwiches which made me literally moan in happiness with every single bite. { I'm so sorry for that visual. }  And I don't even care for meat!  But dang.  This thing was incredible.  All paired with a wonderful bottle of wine and we were happy campers.  Scratch that: incredibly full happy campers.

I'm currently watching this, while drinking this while making a grocery list to cook this after my Fierce 4 workout class tonight.  All in all, life is good.  Really good.  It's challenging, scary, confusing and frustrating but at the end of the day it's so good.  I think anything that makes you feel love so fiercely and leaves you confused sometimes, but oh so fulfilled other times is something worth thanking your lucky stars for.  Thanks for keeping up with my rambling thoughts. Even if you didn't keep up with them, I am thankful for this space to sort through my thoughts.

Hakuna Matata, friends. : >

summer lovin'

I'm still digesting all of the adventures + celebrations + weekend fun that we experienced over the summer.  While this post is delayed in being published, I've been writing and assembling it for a few weeks { scratch that - a few months!  Slowest blogger award goes to... }.  It is just so hard for me to begin trying to get everything down on "paper" { blog + paper?  blogper? } without writing everything.  So I give to you, my summer as condensed as I could condense it : >

My sweetest + silliest friend and her plus one came up for a quick/long weekend for the 4th of July.  This was right around the time I was really struggling with friendships here in Steamboat, so Sara's infectious laugh, insane sense of humor and sharp honesty were just what my heart and soul needed right at that moment.  I am forever grateful for her, our memories we've made over the past 7 years and our memories we have yet to make.  I love that woman more and more while always falling short with words to communicate that to her.

My best friend of 15+ years, my soul sister and the strongest part of me got married to the love of her life in Montana.  I was a hundred different shades of proud standing up next to her as she said i do.  Hunter and I made a week long road trip out of it and the ridiculous adventures we experienced on our drive there, the week we spent in an out of this world amazing VRBO rental, the rare happenstance that lead me to get to see one of my dear Bremerton friends(!!!!), the precious time spent with my parents + the dearest of friends from high school are memories that won't leave me anytime soon.

My parents made a 2 week road trip out of Amie's wedding, so they stopped in Steamboat on their way back home!  My dad had visited Steamboat back in the 70's but it was my mom's first time in The Boat!  I loved having them here and showing off our favorite spots in Steamboat.  I am forever grateful for their love, support and the spontaneous silliness they bring to my life.

Before Lindsey decided to move to Steamboat for a month, she was in town for a long weekend { her and our friend Kristy participated in the Tour de Steamboat.  Hello, inspirational! }.  I was able to steal a few hours of their time and host a brunch at the house!  It was everything a summer morning should be built of: coffee, fresh green juice, mimosas { duh! } followed by breakfast pizza { with homemade crust!  toot toot! }, my most favorite breakfast potatoes, breakfast cookies, fresh fruit and avocado toast.  We followed it up with a few hours laying in some shade in the backyard talking about everything and nothing at the same time.  Every ounce of me was filled with love, gratitude and appreciation that morning.

Hunter, Bob, our friend Judy and I made a somewhat spontaneous trip to the always gorgeous Lake Powell!  Luck is on my side as Hunter + his brother + dad all have their pilot licenses and access to several airplanes.  A road trip from Steamboat to Lake Powell can be upwards of 8+ hours, but in an airplane it is a zippy 2 hours!  We left early on a Saturday morning and were on the water with a cold adult beverage in hand by 10am.  The weekend was spent leisurely drifting around Lake Powell while listening to story after story of trips the Maddox family took to Powell throughout the boy's childhood.  That lake.  That boat.  That spot is magic to these men and I feel beyond honored to be let in on that sacred adventure with them.

Of course my trip to Denver back in August is not to be forgotten.  Mary has always been the most gracious host and I loved our weekend together!  We did everything from a Red Rocks Concert, Yoga on the Rocks....oh ok I know you've read all about it here, but I never want to pass up an opportunity to brag up my amazing friends and family who held me up in times where I truly didn't think my legs would take another step.  I still haven't stopped carrying the love of this trip with me day after day.

My birthday!  Goodness me was I spoiled rotten this year.  My birthday breakfast was presented to me by the most booootiful waitress in all the land { Hi, Rou! } with my very favorite acai bowl and a birthday candle!  I was treated to my most favorite biscuits and gravy mid-day, an amazing lunch with a dear friend and then shot out of work { 10 pounds heavier } an hour early so Hunter and I could check into our hotel room for the night!  WHERE, my sweet friend Emma went above and beyond to upgrade our already discounted hotel room to a suite!  Hunter and I relaxed a bit with a few drinks and gifts before meeting a few really wonderful friends of ours for adult beverages + small plates.  We retired back to the hotel room a bit early where I could indulge in my ultimate indulgence which would be eating dinner in bed while watching TV.  A rather simple request, this I know.  We never ever were allowed TVs in our room growing up, so when I get a chance to relax in bed while eating, it makes for a really happy Beth.  The night ended with one of my favorite pizzas in town, a nice hot tub soak followed by a nice long bath tub soak { I'm so predictable, I know it.  What can I say?!  I know what I like. } before drifting off to sleep with my heart about to burst and a smile the size of Texas.

My birthday weekend!  There is a small chance { we are talking like 99.9% out of 100% chance } that I put the pressure on Hunter rather strong this year to have a really amazing birthday weekend trip planned. It sounds incredibly selfish, this I know.  BUT, my last two birthdays were off the charts { here and here } and I really didn't want our tradition to die this year because of silly restrictions like work schedules.  We went back and forth between deciding on a repeat trip to Lake Powell, a weekend long backpacking trip or a van + biking road trip.  In the end, the van + biking + camping road trip won and man alive am I glad it did!  Hunter planed the entire weekend with not only my favorite snacks, breakfast foods, drinks and dinners but he kept our route and final destination { Crested Butte!!! } a surprise.  I did not stop smiling the entire weekend.  The surprise of a Saturday morning soak in a small mountain town hot springs totally set the tone for the weekend followed by insanely gorgeous and secluded camping spots, leisurely visits to { two! }  breweries and a distillery.  I logged my record of 20 miles over 2 days on my mountain bike { a record for this newbie mountain biker! } and made best friends with a few dozen cows that Hunter and I still talk about to this day.  We fell in love with the town of Crested Butte and dreamed of what it would be like to relocate our lives there.  Everything about it was pure bliss and I still can't get over his creativity and how well he knows me.

Final camping trip of the summer!  Over Labor Day weekend, Hunter and I loaded the WZL up and met Lindsey for a final weekend in the great outdoors.  I remember when Hunter and I would go camping in Washington and he would say "I really can't wait to show you how easy it is to go camping in Steamboat.  You drive for an hour and when you reach your campsite you feel as though you are so far away from Steamboat." and drive for an hour and feel as though we are far far away from Steamboat is what we did!  Watching the stars sparkle in the darkness, in the comfort of quiet between best friends and a good cold beer in hand while being wrapped up in blankets and cozy sweaters { yes, plural } was a main highlight of the trip, hands down.  Another highlight for me happened while driving to our biking trailhead. I was fighting anxiety, nerves and butterflies in my stomach { embarking on a 13+ mile difficult mountain bike ride with two pros made me incredibly anxious } when out of no where Lindsay starts playing Amos Lee's Windows are Rolled Down and a swelling of love, appreciate and gratitude filled me to the brim and I shed a few tears out of pure happiness for being in that moment.  The bike ride ended up being incredible { also incredibly challenging }, but incredible nonetheless.  The views, laughs and accomplishments that we experienced are totally priceless to me.

In between these big summer moments, I had dozens of small moments worth remembering.  Likeeee, seeing 2 incredibly meaningful concerts.  Amos Lee at Red Rocks and Paper Bird in Steamboat!

{Semi permanently } Dyed my hair for the first time in 1.5 years then cut 6+ inches off.

Managed to klutz myself through the summer and wound up in an ace bandage three times.

And spent each and every Tuesday night mountain biking with a fantastic group of Steamboat women in a 2 hour long biking clinic and every Wednesday night playing softball on a team with my coworkers.  I can't hardly believe I don't have photos of either of these events, but I guess it is a testament to the amount of fun/work that was had!

PHEW.  That was an amazing summer.  I already have a few highlights from Fall that I would love to share.  Note to self, Beth: Post said events every few weeks versus every few months to avoid a blog post with 1,000 too many words and 100 too many photos.

My best friend.

I have been known to talk in seriously exaggerated terms.  Either an experience is either THE BEST I've ever had or THE WORST I've ever experienced.   I understand it's an incredibly dramatic way of expressing myself, especially when it comes to simple things such as 

OMGTHIS IS THE BEST PIZZA I.HAVE.EVER.HAD.IN.ALL.MY.LIFE.LONG EXISTENCE or omg I can't believe people even put beer that foul tasting on the menu and expect people to be ok with it.  Why the pizza can't simply be really good or the beer be simply I've had better is beyond me.  Regardless, it's how I gauge my life experiences.  Sooooooo.  Deal with it.

I feel like this overdramatic exaggerated way of life gets most annoying confusing when I am talking with people who haven't known me very long i.e. new friends/coworkers.  It's come out more and more when I would talk about upcoming visits/trips with friends.  Since moving to Steamboat, they've heard:

YOU GUYSSSS!!!  MY BEST FRIEND FROM BREMERTON, WASHINGTON IS COMING TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND!

Then a handful of months later it was MY VERYVERYVERY BEST AND LONG TIME FRIEND FROM DENVER  IS COMING TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND!

Shortly after was WE ARE GOING TO MY.BEST.FRIEND WHO MIGHT AS WELL BE MY SISTER.IN.THE.WHOLE.WORLD'S WEDDING IN MONTANA!!!  AND I GET TO SEE ALL MY BESTEST FRIENDS FROM JR HIGH AND BEYOND!

A hop and a skip later MY BEST FRIEND AND MOST FAVORITE AND FUNNIEST ROOMMATE EVER IS COMING TO VISIT US IN STEAMBOAT!!!!!!@#%^!!!#@$%$&$%#%@!@!@#!!!

Fast forward a few weeks to a blissful weekend in Denver when I GOT TO SEE THE BEST FRIENDS I'VE EVER HAD WHO HAVE BEEN THERE THROUGH THICK AND THIN.

A week or so after that trip it was I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE THIS LUCKY: MY BEST FRIEND FROM SALT LAKE/PORTLAND IS MOVING TO STEAMBOAT FOR 4 WEEKS!!!!

And now?  Now it is  OMG MY BEST MOST FUNNIEST FRIEND WHO HAS BEEN THERE TO SUPPORT + PICK ME UP AND SHARE IN LIFE'S BIGGEST JOYS IS COMING TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND!!!

It's a little embarrassing and I understand it's a completely unrefined way of speaking, but I genuinely get that excited about all of these people.  To me - they are all my best friend(s).

All of this to say that Jaime and her husband are planning a trip to Steamboat this weekend and I am ecstatic.  Maybe the happiest I've been all month.  

#emo followup

I saw this quote on Pinterest last night and I thought it the perfect summary to yesterday's post.

::via::

#emo.

I shot down the mountain to Denver this past weekend (aka two weekends ago now.  aka this post has been sitting in my drafts for too long).  Amos Lee played at Red Rocks on Friday evening with the Colorado Symphony Orchestra and there was no way in haillll Mary and I were going to miss out on that show.

Ask Mary about the time she blacked out and bought 2 Amos Lee tickets 6+ months in advance.

I got to Denver around 3p and was excited to buzz past my old office quickly before meeting Mary before the concert.  My excitement quickly faded when Denver traffic hit me square in the face.  The anxiety inducing, vehicle stopping, assholes behind the wheel traffic.

I lived in Denver for almost 7 years, right?  You would think the commotions of a big city wouldn't have phased me much if at all.  You would think it might even be mildly comforting to me considering singing sirens at one point acted as a lullaby to me for crying out loud!

Even with the mild anxiety (side note: a Steamboat coworker of mine spent a week in Denver with her sons last week and had similar a reaction to the traffic and commotion.  I blame/thank our quiet small town for our inability to tolerate traffic/too many people) to all the people, I had the weekend of my dreams.  It included so many of my very favorite things it was almost overwhelming.  I didn't take too many photos because I was too busy yoga'ing at Red Rocks, holding 5 day old babies, playing with 1.5 year old babies, drinking bottomless mimosas with 3 grown ass babies (love you Mary, Steven and Todd!!!), drinking bottomless bellini's with 2 beautiful babies (WUT?  When you live somewhere that does not offer bottomless brunch beverages and bottomless brunch beverages just so happens to be one of your favorite things in all of existence, you say yes to bottomless brunch beverages 2 mornings in a row simply because you can.) and a night out with my bestest of all best friends that trumps any night out I've had in 7+ months.

See those girls in the above photo?  These girls have my heart.  I was reflecting last night how that group of girls has been together through the highest of highs (new jobs, new boyfriends, new fiancés, new husbands, brand new babies, work promotions, new homes, personal goals, moving, travels) and the lowest of lows (breakups, cheating men, loss of jobs, loss of apartments, death, illnesses, broken hearts, broken homes) and truly every single thing in between.  I can safely say they have seen me at my happiest and they have seen me at my lowest.  And I feel confident saying that I've seen them at their happiest and I have seen them at their lowest.  What a beautiful and profound fact.  The thought that we could gather together after a solid year plus of being together, and pick up EXACTLY where we left off gave me goosebumps.  The joy behind the hundreds of memories we've created simply can not compare to many things.  I'm not setting this up to say that I haven't met life long friends outside of these girls, or that I can't meet life long friends outside of these girls, but they really are the bees knees.  I was talking to Jaime about new friends and new coworkers and she looks at me with a sly smile and goes "Well, they have pretty big shoes to fill."  And  man oh man is she right.

Needless to say I left Denver emotional for so many reasons.  I was leaving so fulfilled (literally and figuratively speaking.  I ate so much {too much?} good food!!!) with the variety of friends and family   I was able to catch up with and the dozens of new memories made.  Corny?  Yes.  True?  Absofreakinglutely.

Life Doesn't Have to be Perfect to be Wonderful.

Long drives, overnight shifts, speed dating in the form of catching up with friends, giggles beyond belief with Charlie and Chloe, 100% living out of a suitcase, fulfillment in the form of aggressive hugs and walks down memory lane.  This is what life is made up of right now.

It is beyond entertaining to attempt and explain to friends what our plans for this winter are.  We have a few balls up in the air right now and really have to take our schedules week by week.  Allow me to entertain you a bit with what our schedules have been made up of the past month or so.


Ball in the Air #1
We will be back up at Snowy Range Ski Area to work through the winter.  I'm able to tag team with the Main Marketing Man { unofficial official title } and work hand in hand with him on all things design/marketing.  In addition to helping out with day to day plowing/working in the snow cat/misc jobs,  Hunter has worked so immensely hard to open up a brewery at the Ski Area!  Snowy Range Brewery, or as I like to call it his dirty little mistress, officially opened up mid-season last year.  I don't think any of us, as a matter of fact I KNOW that none of us were prepared for the success and positive response to his brewery.  The first time we put a keg on to sell it was gone in 45 minutes.  The weekend we'd put another one out for sale?  Gone in an hour 15.  You guys, this beer was flying out of the keg.  It was so encouraging seeing people so enthusiastic about the brew, but at the same time it was like OHMOTHEROFPEARLWEARERUNNINGOUTOFBEERTOSELLANDWEARERUNNINGOUTOFITFASSSSST.  Solution?  More than double our brew capabilities.  Simple.  ; )  He's started brewing the beginning of November and the goal really is to get AS much beer in kegs as possible before the ski area opens the day after Thanksgiving.  We have about 7 beer recipes down, and are looking to add a few more this season!

Ball in the Air #2
Hunter accepted a job at a hospital in Denver that will put him {us?} there at least 3 nights a week.  We are still figuring out if it makes most sense for me to come down to Denver with him, or stay up at Snowy/Steamboat while he's working.  We were lucky enough to be warmly welcomed back by Sara, who we lived part time with last winter in Denver, so we are having slumber parties with her the days/nights that we are in Denver.  It's such a blessing because rents in Denver are out-of-control right now and financially and location wise it really is amazing to get to stay with her.  Plus?  Endless entertainment.  She had me almost throwing up with laughter the other night while we were brushing our teeth together.  We were loosely talking finances, and she says to me mid-brush "I'm so sick of not being rich.  If I was rich I'd be like. Here.  Have some chocolate."  Something about the hand gesture she did when announcing people can have the chocolates and the absolute randomness of it...man it was one of the best things that had happened to me in a while.  It reinforces the fact that there really were missing puzzle pieces in my soul when we were in WA.  I'm finding these missing puzzle pieces in afternoon mimosa dates, weekly lunch girly dates, and evening giggle sessions.  Without question I left a very large piece of my heart in Washington, but I'm enjoying piecing together those missing puzzle pieces here in CO/WY.

Ball in the Air #3
Steamboat!  Steamboat is kinda our happy place.  This is where we go to decompress, take all the steam showers, hot tubs, hot springs, juice bars, grilling out time we need.  Before the Denver job came up, we were planning on splitting our time 60/40 to Steamboat/Snowy.  We still want to get here as often as we can slash when our schedules allow.  Because.......well we still like to play around and have fun, and Dreamboat is the place to do just that!

I loved this quote that I saw on Pinterest this morning.  It hit so very close to home because is life perfect right now?  No.  Ideally we'd have our own home.  Ideally we would have a little bit of breathing room between Hunter's shifts/working at Snowy etc.  Ideally we'd have our closest friends AND family a phone call away from an impromptu dinner party.  But is life wonderful?  Man alive.  I not only feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be living this crazy ping-pong life with Hunter, but I feel like we are defining the word wonderful right now.

::via::

"Beth, I have to ask you..."

"...what piqued your interest about pickles so much that you drove 3 hours to take this pickling class?!"

I'll get to that question AND answer here in a hot minute.  But first I am happy to report that we had successful and safe travels and have been back in Colorado for a week now!  Well, Colorado/Wyoming/ColoradoWyoming but you know what I mean. It has been a really beautiful whirlwind of emotions seeing all these people we've been missing for months.  

When I saw on the calendar that Hunter's last day was just a few days before Jaime's 30th birthday, I just knew that we would be back for her celebrations.  Even before I knew what those celebrations were, before I had talked to her husband or sister about plans...I simply knew we would be in attendance.  Sure enough, Ryan had been scheming a surprise party for Jaime that we were able to crash!  We were faced with the decision of simply going to her birthday party, or SURPRISING HER AT HER SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.  Even though it forced me to fib once or twice { or five+ times } on the weeks and days leading up to the party, it was absolutely worth it when Hunter and I walked out { of the bathroom - hello hilarious } to surprise the birthday girl.  She just stared at us completely speechless with her eyes very quickly filling up with tears.  It was such a fun moment!

Knowing that in the months you've been gone, you've changed in so many big and little ways and knowing your nearest and dearest have done the same was pretty intimidating to me.  Admittedly, I spent far too much time thinking/obsessing over this little detail and formed so many { too many } different situations in my mind.  I should have spent more time going over all the big and little things I love about the people I was about to see and reminding myself how resilient and beautiful friendship is.  Note to self for next time.  ;)

As I was walking into the wine bar where Jaime's party was held { we were having sliiiight car issues so Hunter worked out the problems while I made sure to get to the wine bar before the surprise } I saw Jaime's husband's brother and his wife walking into the restaurant just a few steps ahead of me.  Something about that moment calmed all of my ohmygoshi'mgoingtoseeallmyfriendsihaven'tseenin7monthswhatiftheydon'tlikemeanymore because seeing Luke and Krista walk in reminded me that these are my people.  It reminded me that behind those doors were a very large man's handful of people that I have hundreds if not thousands of memories with.  People that I love and who I know love me.  And sure enough, it was a beautiful evening.  It was so fun seeing all the people who came together to celebrate Jaime.  I loved seeing all our old friends, and meeting new { Hi, Sara!!! : } and picking up at the exact moment that we had left off.

After 7 months of pure longing to see your nearest and dearest, if you have even a seconds worth of opportunity to see those you haven't seen in anywhere from 2 weeks, to 7 months, to 12 months you just say yes.  You say yes to the plans and figure out the details later.  Even if those details require 13 hour driving days, setting the alarm for 5:30am several mornings in a row, driving 45mph alone through a twisty turny icy cannon while watching someone get pulled from the steep cliff and gripping your steering wheel as tightly as you possibly can.  We've been bouncing around quite a bit since getting back.  Denver, then Laramie the very next morning { Those Godkids of ours you guys.  Those cuddly, smiley and beautiful kids?  They own our hearts through and through. }, Steamboat the day after that then a quick drive through Ft Collins before landing in Denver for a few days.  On Tuesday, Hunter headed up to Snowy to get to work, and I drove from Steamboat to Ft Collins for a few hours, then to Denver.  My very sweet and dear friend Lesli, along with her husband Dustin opened up a beautiful spice and oil/vinegar shop, Crescendo!  They are constantly posting cooking classes that they offer on their Facebook page, and it was so painful to be in WA and watch all these fun classes come and go while being so far away.  When I saw they had a class October 15th, it was another moment of "I know I'm going.  I don't quite know how or where we'll be....but I'm going to this sumbitchin' pickling class come hell or high water!"  And sure enough, I made it { after that clenched steering wheel, icy twisty turny drive I referred to } and it was beyond enjoyable!  I worked with Lesli at my last job.  We both got out of corporate hell { no offense corporate job people reading this! } and really enjoyed sharing a few hugs, laughs and venting about how different that life was compared to what we are living right now.  She cracked me up when she looked at me mid class and says "Beth, I have to ask you.  What piqued your interest about pickles so much that you drove for 3 hours to take a pickling class?!"  I was a little embarrassed and gave her an answer of loving to cook, wanting to live a more self sustainable life blah blah.  Though that answer was part of the truth, the whole truth is what I spoke about above.  After missing these people, and these memories for so many months that when you have that opportunity to make a memory, you jump on it.  I am so proud of the leap Lesli and Dustin took and want to support them in any and every capacity I can!

So all in all, it's been really great being back.  It's been filled with little quirks like listening to the news and actually knowing the areas of the state and interstates they are talking about.  Laughing over 4+ old inside jokes brought up by old friends that you had completely forgotten about.  Pulling out your ID and not hearing "Oh gosh, ok Colorado, ColoradoColoradooooo.  Where is your DOB, whereeeisssyourrrrDOBBBB OH OK THERE IT IS." meanwhile all the ice has melted in your adult beverage and you are kind of wanting to throw it in the sweet WA bartender's face for not being quick on the uptake of finding a CO birthdate.  It's been fun remembering how one simple street in Denver can hold endless memories.  It's been challenging struggling to  navigate through a city you once knew like the back of your hand, but it's fulfilling when you instincts take you down the streets to the very place you are looking to get to.  It's a daily goal of mine to keep Bremerton as alive and close to the surface as I can.  I want it to remain a part of me and not let it fade into a distant memory.  

Cheers, friends!  And TGIF!!

Madfields Do Bremerton.

Full Disclosure:  Over-thought and drug out post ahead.  Writing is a huge part of the way I process experiences and emotions.  Our time in Bremerton has hugely shaped and changed the person I am, and I want to document each part of it.  Even the over thought out, possibly TMI moments.  You've been warned.

We started out our time in WA with a rather hot and cold relationship with Bremerton.  We were consumed with pure lust over a life a life of sailboats, ferry rides and seagulls.  Dreams of biking to the local co-op.  Renting out a home with a few rooms and levels with a backyard.  Day by day, little-by-little, we slowly started seeing things a little differently and more relistically.  The co-op we were over the MOON to join { and in my mind I was already working at } we discovered isn't open and won't be open for many years.  The yoga studio + vegan bakery in one { HE-L-L-O two of my most favorite things! } closed down 2 days before we moved to Bremerton.  We missed it by TWO DAYS.  All the little stores we found online, which included the word Market in their names { that to us implied a grocery store aka potential part time job opportunity for me } ended up being { dirty } gas stations.  The dream of biking to pick up fresh produce for dinner was quickly shut down after learning the closest grocery to us is a fairly run down Safeway and/or Red Apple.  The downtown mere blocks from our apartment, was once filled with dreamy excitement of small cafes/boutiques to bike to and work at, ended up being 80% deserted abandoned buildings.  And with those abandoned buildings, I also had to abandon the dream of quickly meeting girlfriends to spend my days with and explore the area with.  The fact that all these above dreams came crashing down in about a 48-72 hour period left me feeling really lost and quite defeated.  Add on that 2+ month dragging on computer issues { for a graphic designer who works freelance, it was a pretty big deal }, confusing health issues + never-ending  doctor appointments and a new #$*!'ing knee injury left me a lost little girl.  Admittedly, I let this all consume me.  I was having a hell of a party day after day.....a one woman pity party that none of you would have wanted to be invited to.  Trust.  I wept daily at the friends, family and comfort we left behind.  I was becoming ugly and bitter towards the women out and about with their girlfriends and would become angry with them for being out on a coffee date with friends.  I was consumed with jealousy at what my girlfriends were doing back home and felt myself distancing from them because I didn't want to hear about their busy weekends, or fun filled nights.  Talk about a selfish, jealous and unsupportive friend, eh?  Fast and fiercely, I became attached to Hunter.  Not in a cute I love you so much I can't stand to be apart! way.  In a Please do not leave me for work tonight, I can't stand the thought at being alone! way.  I felt so out of my element that I clung to the only thing I knew and the only thing I knew was Hunter.  I planned our entire days together and would be so sick to my stomach when he left for work.  I had anxiety over spending a night alone.  Those reading this blog probably wouldn't know, but my friends who have known me for years know I'm an independent girl.  I have broken up with many a boyfriend because I didn't like spending too much time with them.  Boyfriends who were too clingy was such a turn off to me.  I needed my alone time, damnit!  To go from a self confident and secure girl, to staring out the window counting the seconds for Hunter's truck to turn the corner was startling and scary.  

I am only able to write about it and talk this through now because I can safely say the funk has been lifted and I can look back at that girl I was and know that I am not, nor ever plan to be, that girl again.

How did I go from that bitter/slightly depressed girl, to someone who has felt so much growth and strength within?  3 things within a week's time changed me.  First: One of the yoga instructors I had at a morning session ended the class with the quote of "You don't know what the world will bring you today, but you know what you will bring to the world."  And that hit home.  Hard.  The thing was, I would always start out my mornings with daily pep talks.  "Beth.  Today is a new day.  The anxiety and sadness you felt yesterday needs to stay in the past and focus on a new attitude for today."  No matter how much I talked myself up, like clockwork as the day progressed, I would be faced with discouraging emails regarding my computer or another day of swollen and painful knee.  I would go from hero to zero in a snap.  Little obstacles I would usually face and resolve without a seconds thought would knock me out, and knock me out hard.  After I heard that quote from my yoga instructor I thought Man alive, that is so true.  These things will happen, life things will happen.  It's how I react and respond to them is what will change the course of my day, my week, my friendships with those I love.  Second: Another friend of mine was going through a hard time, too and they said to me "Do you think when we are 80 years old, we will be upset with ourselves for spending this year crying and whining so much?"  That one was a biggggg one.  Regret is a big, ugly and scary word to me and to realize my daily actions were things I would feel regret over not just within a day, but potentially in 50 years?  Yikes.  Open your eyes, Beth.  Third: The Local Farmer's Market.

There is a little town, Port Orchard, which is a $2 and 15 minute foot ferry ride across the water.  One Saturday while Hunter was sleeping after a nights work, I rode the ferry over to visit the Farmer's Market.  I picked up a few things { radishes and cilantro.  How I remember this?  I have no idea. }  I had to get market tokens from their market booth as I had no cash.  I have NO idea what came over me but I blurted out "DO YOU GUYS NEED VOLUNTEERS???".  I think I startled her as I believe she was in the middle of a sentence when I asked, but she said "Yes!  Oh yes.  Our contact information is online!"  I left the market feeling a purpose and need I hadn't felt in a while.  { My intention after moving to Bremerton was to get a part time job close to our apartment//I didn't bring my car and only had my bike so it had to be close!, but it was quickly proven to us that this would not be realistic with the lack of jobs/stores near where we lived. }  My thought process at the time was "Ok!  So Port Orchard's Farmers Market is on Saturday while Bremerton's Farmer's Markets are on Thursday and Sunday!  I can do both!"  As I was waiting for the foot ferry back to Bremerton, I went online and emailed the contact on Bremerton's website asking if they needed help.  Within minutes a woman by the name of Julia responded saying yes, yes, yes and yes! I quickly got involved in the Bremerton Market and the idea of Port Orchard fell to the wayside, which really is quite alright.  If I'm being honest, the market began as a reason to get out of the house.  Plain and simple.  At the time, I was doing yoga a few times a day, and the markets twice a week.  I was growing to really cherish my yoga instructors and looked forward to spending time with the vendors/workers at the market.  

I remember one Sunday market a few weeks into volunteering.  My goal was { and still is! } to only spend money on produce, not coffee/breakfast/lunch/dinners at the market because I know how quickly that can get out of hand.  Well on this particular day, I did a poor job packing snacks/fruit and come the close of the Sunday market { 3p }, I was st-a-rving.  I couldn't wait to get home and whip up a salad.  I had all the ingredients already picked out in my mind.  As we were packing up, Julia asked me to join her and another girlfriend for some afternoon coffee.  I politely declined simply because I couldn't stop thinking about the growling in my stomach.  On my walk home, it hit me that the first time I was asked to hangout with girlfriends, I said no because I was too hungry.  I remember crying thinking, "Really Beth?!  You've been seeking out and desperate for girlfriends for months now, and you blew your chance { dramatic, I know } over a stupid taco salad?!?!"  { I didn't know it at the time, but thankfully that wasn't the last time they would ask me to get together!}

Knowing you are living somewhere for a limited and specific amount of time is a an odd feeling.  Do you tell the people you meet you will only be there for 13 weeks?  Do you just say you moved there for your boyfriend's job and leave it at that?  I chose the latter option strictly assuming I would easily phase myself out of volunteering at the markets, and no one would be any the wiser.  At the end of July, there was an opportunity with Hunter's work for us to move back to Colorado and live in Fort Collins.  At the time, it was the most exhilarating idea to me.  It was a sigh of relief of thinking OK FINALLY.  We can say we tried it, and we can say we traveled, but we can also say it wasn't for us and we were meant to be back in CO.  But the catch with that phrase is even though we { i.e. I } were going through the motions, I can't really say I was trying.  I can't really say that it wasn't for me because I didn't give it a proper chance.  I only saw Bremerton for what it didn't have and the friends/family in my life who were absent.  Sadly, for those first few weeks/months, I overlooked the incredible location of Bremerton.  The ENDLESS beauty that surrounded the city.  I discredited the wonderful people we did happen to meet with a simple wave of the hand.  Hunter and I mulled over this decision for about a week and went from YES WE ARE MOVING BACK GIVE OUR LANDLORD NOTICE to Well......are we ready?  Do we deserve an A for Effort?  Or an F for Giving up too easily?  At the time, we { again, I } would have earned an F, fosho.  In hindsight, it was such a good decision to stick it out because had we moved, it would have been us giving up and taking the easy way out.

While working at the markets, you get to know the vendors.  Pretty obvious statement, right?  You can joke with them during little interaction during downtime and take a few minutes to get to know their story a little more.  I remember I would always get my salad greens from one of the smaller farms, Sahali Farms.  Kay, the vendor, was always so nice to me.  Once she even threw in a smaller bag of chard for free.  Score!!!  During a Sunday takedown I saw Kay out of the corner of my eye.  She walked up and said "Beth.  You look so fit....do you workout at all?  Do you play any sports?"  { I  can't help but think I have my trusty stretchy pants to thank for this.  Thank them for fooling people into thinking that I actually am really athletic and don't injure myself each and every time I go to train for a half marathon or run longer than 5 miles! }  I was pretty hesitant to answer, as I had JUST started seeing a chiropractor and was nursing my left knee back to health after finally feeling like my right knee was healed.  I { nervously } said something about liking to run and she didn't let me finish my sentence of "but my knee is still healing, so I've been taking it pretty easy."  before saying  "Oh that's so great because Burnadette and I run a few times a week and you just have to join us!"  

I remember leaving my last job and getting an email from a girl I'd only worked with for about 5 months. She wished me well on my new adventure, but ended the email by saying "You always made me feel noticed and special when I first started working here.  And as a new girl to a big corporation, that was very important to me.  So thank you!"  That sentiment stuck with me for a long time, and I can honestly say I now know what she was referring to. 

Exactly what Kay did for me was what I was thanked for 6 months earlier.  Kay made me feel noticed and special.  She didn't have to ask me questions about the weird juices I'd bring week after week.  She didn't have to ask me once, twice, three times to go running/yoga with her.  But she did.  She'd compliment my scarves and ask questions about how we got to Bremerton.  Right when I met Kay, I let my intimidation and doubt get the best of me.  Each time she'd ask me to run, I would think of 3 reasons why I wouldn't be a good fit for a running partner with them.  "I can't quite do long distances yet!  You guys need to get a good run in and not worry about gimpy me.  You've already got your routine down!" She finally shut me up by exclaiming "Beth!  We just want to get to know you!  Who cares if it isn't through running!"

Touche, my friend.  Touche.

Meeting new friends as an adult is no joke.  It's different than meeting friends in your early 20's.  Different because the more we grow, the older we get there are certain subjects and beliefs we aren't willing to bend on.  Things that have started to define us as who we are and the more people you meet who don't believe in the same things you do the more you you keep moving.  Don't get me wrong - I don't believe any and all friends should have 100% the beliefs/hobbies that you do.  But I think the hobbies/beliefs need to compliment each other in order to form a successful friendship.  It can be scary to revel yourself to someone with the potential of rejection.

Right around this time, Hunter's contract was coming to an end.  We had decisions to make and we could NOT make up our minds.  We basically had too many options...every option known to man.  Move back to CO and settle down in Steamboat/Ft Co area.  Move to a few places in Oregon we knew we'd love.  Find a 4 week travel nurse assignment and go from there.  Stay in Bremerton.  Move to the East coast and really switch things up.  We made the decision to extend in Bremerton the first time { we have extended the contract twice! } basically because we were overwhelmed at the other options and needed more time to really exhaust them all.  When the end of that first extension was drawing near and thoughts of moving out of Bremerton and Washington really started to rattle me. 

I remember biking to a Thursday market { this exact day in fact! }.  Something stood out to me that market; things had started to shift.  I went from being the volunteer who shows up a few times a week, to being drawn in more and more in each conversation.  I started joking with the other volunteers/workers and received some joking back.  I remember this market was the first market that I met Kori.  There was something about Kori that drew me to her.  She was bold.  Funny.  Witty.  Raw.  Kind.  Someone I could see really hitting it off with.  Kori was on plenty of the Food Co-Op/Farmer's Market boards and knew the people that I had grown to know, very well.  Her schedule hadn't allowed her to volunteer much, rather sit on the boards behind the scene.  I remember thinking "I can't believe this girl has been here all of the 4mo I've lived here and I've never known her!"  { spoiler alert: Kori is the girl who hosted us for a bbq over Labor Day weekend.  Clearly our friendship took off! }    The potential of a new friend was right there in front of my eyes, and knowing we only had a week or two left was really devastating to me.  That same market, I went to chat with Kay and she asked if I wanted to take a yoga class with her the next day.  I remember biking home this night on a new friend warm fuzzy high mixed with pretty serious dread.  Dread of growing these friendships knowing we'd be moving so soon.  At one point I even said to Mary "Seriously, what is the point in hanging out with these girls now?  Why would I build friendships and attachments to only move 3 states and 1 time zone away in a few weeks?"  She basically virtually bitch slapped me and reminded me of what an idiot I sounded like.  In the kindest way possible of course.  ; )

Two nights later, Hunter had a work party at a local bar.  I finally got to meet and mingle with the people he has spent night after night with at work.  We had a really lovely time chatting and laughing with these people, and when we pulled into our parking garage that night, I started crying to Hunter about how I wasn't ready to leave.

Poor Hunter.  First had to put up with me crying about why we ever left, now dealing with my crying over the thought of leaving.  He has patience of steel, that one.

I remember thinking "I need to give these friendships a chance.  We need to give these friendships a chance to grow and see where they take us."

Needless to say, we extended our contract for a second and what will be final time.  I couldn't be more ecstatic and happy that we did.  Couldn't be more happy that we found our groove { which doesn't involve me clinging to Hunter like a dryer sheet } and have begun appreciating each other on a new level.  I have learned COUNTLESS things about myself and about our relationship.  About life, love and friendships.  I will carry a little sip of each and every person that I've met while living out here with me every day.  

These last few weeks have been the sweetest of days.  Early bedtimes and earlier wake up calls.  Nonstop giggles with my market family.  Rain every minute of every day.  Cozy mornings, cozier nights.  Football season.  Walking hand in hand.  Hot tea first thing in the morning, and hot tea late at nights.  Runs, bike rides and hikes.  Days spent in Seattle, and nights spent cuddled up on the couch with the sea breeze drifting in through the open windows.

We will be moving from Bremerton in a few weeks and though it's devastating to think of leaving this life filled with barking sea seals and squawking seagulls, early morning fog, ferry schedules,  Thursday/Sunday Farmer's Markets, morning tea with Kay and Anisha, week long camping trips and the ability to sea kayak at the drop of a hat, it will be good to be back where our story began.  Back to CO/WY for a future we still don't have quite figured out { seriously WHO wants to make our decisions for us?!  Please one of you step forward. }. All of it will for sure be documented here in great detail and written with immense love.  I am in no way the same person I was when we moved here.  Consequently, the people in CO/WY we left won't be the exact same people we left.  That's the great certainty about life, right?  Constant growth and change.

::via::

I find myself bouncing back and forth of thinking about the hundreds of memories and potential opportunities I'll miss out on with with my beautiful Bremerton friends, to the opportunities to bond and catch up on lost days, months and weeks { + drinks! } with my friends and family back in CO.  For once in my life, instead of dreading the future and worrying myself sick before any of it happens, I've decided to ride the wave.  Ride the wave of emotion and hold on tight to each tear, hug, smile and beautiful heart and soul that is present in my life right now.

birthday week :: crazy for mt

Hunter and I don't go buck wild for the big holidays like Christmas or Valentine's Day.  We usually set like a $10 - $50 limit and have more fun cooking in with wine and candles than we would splurging on elaborate gifts or flowers.  I'm not exactly sure how it morphed this way, but birthday's have become our holiday to celebrate - to bust out all the stops and really go crazy.  Last year was no exception and Hunt managed to set the bar quite high.  Hunter has his pilot's license and the ability to fly in and out of Steamboat...so that's what we did!  We were able to drive up to Steamboat from Denver on a Friday night, grab breakfast and a quick hike Saturday morning then take off...{ literally! } and fly to Montana early that afternoon!

For many reasons, the whole trip was so intimate and so us.  One of my faaaaavorite parts of the trip was for sure the landing.  Hunter was explaining that because of the plane + flying club his dad owns/is a part of, we would have a rental car waiting for us right when we landed at the airport.  I remember seeing a Yukon/SUV of sorts parked near where we were landing and thought oh that'll be perfect for the 4 of us all weekend!  Wellllllll imagine my surprise when we parked the plane about 100 yards from the SUV, and I turned my head to see someone driving our actual rental car out to us.  A bitchin' purple Mustang convertible.  We laughhhhhed, and laughed and laughed when we realized what our rental car was.  I tell you what though, we had an absolute blast driving that car around the city, interstates and back roads!

The weekend was this blissful combination of hiking, great food, better beer, hot springs, lovely hotels and just memories that equal perfection.  These are the people who make me, me.  Spending my 27th birthday with them was something from a dream.

Sigh.  Perfection.

birthday week :: balloons, friends and parks oh my!

I truly got the biggest warm fuzzy putting this post together.  The weeks leading up to my 26th birthday I had this nagging thought that wouldn't go away.  This dream of having a huge, big beautiful and colorful birthday party in the park.  When I looked on the calendar and realized my actual birthday would be on a Saturday, it pretty much sealed the deal for me.  The bestest of all best parts?  My parents, uncle Joel and cousin Rebeca were passing through town from ND to CA so all of them + my uncle Craig { who lives in Longmont, CO } were able to join!

I still to this day remember the smallest gestures that made this day a success.  Jaime and Ryan picking up the balloons that I was obsessing over having { I LOVE BALLOONS } on their way to the party.  Mary making cake pops and fruit skewers { which required she cut up cantaloupe which may or may not be her least favorite fruit }.  My girlfriend Amy coming an hour+ early to help with the set up.  Everyone who showed up who helped drink the keg of beer.  My dad going out and buying more beer when we ran out of keg beer.  { YES.  That actually happened. }  My gays + gals bringing their own tent, champagne, blankets and a piñata.  My aunt hosting Mary + my uncles + parents and I for dinner after the party.  The entire day really was a dream.

And as if Mary hadn't done enough for the day, she filled + edited this video for me.  She's such a show-off BFF.  Wouldn't you agree?

birthday week :: twentyone

There won't be a whole lot of detail going into this particular post, because wellllll - who wants to hear about someone else's { drunken } 21st birthday?!  We'll just say that I had a really aucking fwesome day with my nearest and dearest, and may or may not have been kicked out of the bar at like 10pm.  Don't worry.  I've learned to hold my alcohol since then.

birthday week :: my most smartest friends

Today's birthday week is honoring my dear dear friends back home, Jim and Eric!  Sadly this video will make sense to maybe 1 in every 30 of you who view it, but it is very likely one of the most thoughtful gifts that I have EVER received, so I just had to post it.  Eric and Jim said a few times over how my birthday present would be coming in the mail and the only thing I was told was that I absolutely had to take a video of myself opening it.

SO.  What the heck was in the box you ask?  About a dozen and a half gifts allllll relating to the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous, which we quote and watch on the regular.  Eric and Jim took our favorite lines from the movie and put a gift/quote to each one.  I will say that in order to understand even a fraction of the gifts that are in the box, you would have had to of seen the movie at least 12+ times, but it is just too good not to post.  I will also beg for forgiveness to the inappropriate jokes dropped and know that the "you're too big to fit in here" is a quote from another of our favorite movies The Sweetest Thing.

Again with the wife beater.  Again with the sweating out of excitement/fear of being on camera.  Again with the being so overwhelmed by love and friendship.

I love you, boys.  

It is so very important to me that you all know I don't go around talking about what is too big to fit where, and dropping 'mental r's' left and right.  I was so close to not even posting this video because of the crude jokes/language that is in it, until I realized this post isn't about the silly quotes from silly movies, rather the thought, intention and love that went into that gift.