Wednesday, February 25, 2015

hbd, hmm!

happy birthday to my favorite hot (hot, hot!) tamale.  

there isn't a day that goes by where i don't pause for a little moment of thanks and appreciation for how happy i am to know hunter and to have spent these last 3.5 years of pure adventure with him.  i am so thankful for his silly, determined, generous and spontaneous heart.

part of hunter's birthday gift was a surprise ski trip to taos new mexico for a long weekend.  i managed to keep it a secret from him for over a month now and i feel 10 pounds lighter after finally telling him this morning where we are going!  his brother, sister in law and niece and nephew will get into town this afternoon and we are hosting the entire family for a birthday dinner this evening.  i'm reminded of the birthday dinner we had up at snowy for hunter 2 years ago when we were living at the ski area.  the kids were running amuck, the wine { + whiskey if i'm being honest heehee } was flowing and we happened to plan a dinner menu eerily similar to what we are having this evening.  filet mignon, roasted veggies with mashed potatoes and a caesar salad { extra anchovies! } are what maddox birthdays are made of!

hunter's birthday//2012

happy birthday my love.  you mean more to me and the people around you than you will ever know.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Take the hint.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you are going about your day to day and all of a sudden think *OMGosh I really want pizza.  And suddenly whenever you pull up Instagram, or open the newspaper.  Hear a radio commercial or see a's all about pizza.  People eating pizza, recipes for pizza, a new pizza restaurant opening in town, coupons for cheap pizza, the list goes on.  And you think, huh.  Well that's interesting.  Maybe it's a sign I should get pizza.  And the more you talk about it, the more you think about it all, the more pizza surrounds you.  Then!  You spread the circle a little bigger.  You start telling your friends, your boyfriend, your coworkers, your family how much you are craving pizza.  They all chime in with how good it sounds, too and Yeah you should really go get some!  The next thing you know, your evening plans are rearranged and bam! you are eating pizza.  

:: via + via::

I'm not just talking pizza here { though man, now pizza sounds so good }.  It could be a green juice that you've been craving or wanting a sign to buy that scarf you've had your eye on…maybe you need to see some motivation to start a new daunting craft project, or pulling the plug on buying a new sofa.  Maybe it's even something as big as pursuing that new job and new lifestyle that you've been lusting after for far too long.  Whatever it is, the point here is that once the thought of buying that thing, or changing that other thing creeps into your mind…it follows you everywhere.

For over a year now,  I've been approached by a local Steamboat business manager { who happens to be not just a good friend, but a good family friend of the Maddoxs' } trying to get me to come on board and work for her/with her.  The job she was propositioning me for was my dream job in so many ways.  It would open up so much more flexibility in my schedule, the opportunity for new avenues in which to express creativity, ways to push myself both mentally and physically and all around a beautiful chance for growth in my life.

But I was scared to make a change.  

Lord have mercy was I scared!  So scared that I ignored her requests for 12+ months.  I buckled down and kept on keeping on at my { how I now affectionally refer to it as my } 9a-5p, Monday-Friday, cubical bound, florescent light lit job.  And it was ok!  Really, things were truckling along and things were fine.  I started out in sales with some pretty sad numbers both in $$ booked and $$ in my bank account.  But I kept trying.  I kept working, I kept scheduling meetings with my clients.  I kept showing up to work knowing I could push my monthly %'s booked and!  I can confidently say that I grew my territory { and for what it's worth, my bank account too }.  But seeing those growth in numbers did nothing to make me more excited about my job.  It didn't make me want to work any harder to see how much higher I could grow those numbers and it didn't make me want to work any less.  I struggled with finding fulfillment with my job and always settled that argument with myself by saying "But I really enjoy my coworkers, I really enjoy working with { most of } my clients so it's ok if I'm not 100% fulfilled."  Until I realized that it really wasn't ok.

:: via + via ::

Of course here in the blog world there are 1,000,000,001 real life examples of people chasing their dreams.  Finding their ideal job!  Ditching the monotony of a desk job and chasing their passions.  Reading their stories used make me angry.  "How can you just do that?  How can you quit a steady paycheck and health insurance to open an online craft store/photography business/coffee shop { etcetcetc } and support yourself?!?!?!"  These stories made me angry until once day they didn't.  And I very timidly started putting myself in their shoes.  I started asking myself small questions of "What if I did quit my day job?  What would my day to day that look like?  How much would my quality of life change?  What would I even want to do?"  Of course I lucked out and found the most supportive partner who genuinely believes in me, sees talents I possess that I'm sometimes blind to and can recognize when one area of my life is causing so very much inner turmoil.  He helped me answer these little questions and he supported me when the biggest questions surfaced.  

:: via + via ::

Even with these little and big questions asked and answered, I was still scared.  I was scared of disappointing my current employer.  I was scared of not being able to fill the shoes of this new job.  I was scared financially and truthfully, I was scared of how I  would respond with freedom in my work schedule.  Even with all these lurking thoughts of doubt, there was one thing that remained; the unstoppable daydream of taking the leap to make this big change.  What remained was every time I would hop on Pinterest for a few minutes, half a dozen images similar to the ones in this blog post hit me square in the face.  What remained was that one voice that said "Beth, you can do this." that drowned out all the other voices that were saying "Stay comfortable.  Don't make the change."  

These quotes littered throughout this post are some examples of what I would see time and time again.  These quotes are my example of pizza in the above paragraph.  I knew that I could only ignore them for so long until I had to stop ignoring all the signs and it was time take the hint.

Ya'll know me enough by now to know that I'll have to split this up into like 3 posts with my chronic over thinking/analyzing.  Thoughts and updates to continue in the upcoming days.

*To drive this point home even further, I want to say that I've had 3 pizza related things happen to me / come up in conversation just in the few short hours it's taken me to start writing this post.  It is all very Law of Attraction of you, Universe. 

Monday, February 16, 2015

All the feels.

I've sat down at least 3 times this past week to complete unfinished posts I have in the archives but the second my fingers hit the keys my thoughts instantly poof into thin air.  Whenever I have so many words swirling in my head, I typically go into self inflicted writers block as far as this blog is concerned.  The only way I can think to break through this is to just write.  So enjoy this blog post of scattered thoughts, stories and emotions.  So many emotions. #allthefeels

My heartstrings are being pulled into so many different directions lately.  I'm feeling especially emotional and sensitive to the biggest of big or the smallest of small things.  January was a hard month for me, and I'm thrilled to say that February is not following suit.  Two weekends ago, we spent a long weekend at Snowy with the family and the second we pulled into the parking lot, I immediately felt myself calm down and unwind.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - those nieces and nephews of ours are magical.  We spent the entire weekend laughing, cuddling, chasing, playing, smooching, hugging and laughing some more.  We had a pretty special birthday on Sunday and everyone came together in perfect unity to celebrate.

There are so many changes and potential changes on the horizon.  I'm finding myself caught up on what could be that I'm not focusing on what is.  For reasons I can't explain, I'm feeling especially nostalgic and emotional about every. little. thing. that comes my way.  Hunter and I watched Into the Wild a few weeks ago and you guys.  I'm embarrassed to even type this out but at the end of the movie I was in such hysterics we literally just laid in bed with Hunter holding me as I shook from crying so hard and he whispered positive thoughts into my ear.  Yesterday was my dad's 61st birthday and I wrote a little note on Facebook wishing him a Happy Birthday, then proceeded to just sit there and cry for 15+ minutes about how much I love him and what an amazing man he is.  I really can't explain either of those two examples but they were very real.  Just ask Hunter.  Ha!

This time of year is always a fun one for us.  Three years ago right around this time is when Hunter and I really hit our stride in our relationship and had so many amazing firsts going on.  Our first New Years together, our first Valentine's Day, celebrating our birthdays for the first time together, our first spontaneous weekend get away together etc.  Being up at Snowy last weekend brought back hundreds of memories from when we lived up there 2 winters ago.  I desperately miss seeing those kiddos on a daily basis and I really love watching the interaction of Hunter with his brother and his dad, yet I love our life here in Steamboat and can't even imagine leaving.  It's hard sorting through missing someone and something so fiercely and figuring out how to get it back in your life in a healthy manner.

I've been playing with my diet more and more the past few weeks.  During the holidays I definitely introduced meat into my diet on a regular basis, but I didn't love that I did.  I've been craving different foods…non-vegan foods lately and it was freaking me out.  I never really understood the phrase "Listen to what your body wants" because I always thought that meant I would be eating french fries and nachos and tater tots daily with the excuse of "What?!  It's what my body wanted!"  But the past few weeks I have been craving eggs so this time I'm understanding that on whatever level, my body wants and needs the nutrition in eggs.  Eggs don't necessarily agree with my system, so that's been challenging but I'm still figuring it all out.  I'm toying with the idea of doing my Crazy Sexy Diet cleanse after Hunter's birthday to kind of reset my body.  I've always had such a great experience with that cleanse, I'm excited for the challenge again.  Hunter and I watched { I re-watched but it was the first time Hunter had seen it } the Hungry for a Change documentary { it's also on Netflix! }.  I truly feel like I could watch movie that once a day for an entire month and never tire of the knowledge and wisdom packed into the 90 minutes.  I can relate to various topics in the film that it felt good to have someone spell different questions or concerns out for me.  My favorite part was the ending where it talked about self love and how much our thoughts and actions can affect { positively and negatively! } our health.  Self love and care is something I need to make more of a priority in my life.

Hunt's birthday is in 9 days { I mean….who is counting?! } and I have a surprise trip planned for him that I am so crazy excited for.  I can't wait to pack up and get away with my main squeeze and file away another great birthday trip in the books.  Last year we spent his birthday weekend at Monarch for a relaxing and lovely ski weekend while the year before we had a long { amazing, perfect, adventurous, spontaneous, beautiful } weekend skiing our way through Montana for his birthday.  I really think this trip will live up to the excitement of years past.  It's a surprise for Hunter but I've been giving him Clue Cards the past few weeks letting him in on a few highlights of the trip and will tell him on his birthday where we are going { we leave the day after his birthday, the 26th! }.  Eep!

We spread our Valentine's Day celebration over 2 days this year.  Hunter and I both worked on Valentine's Day but we got an early morning workout and hot springs soak in together before we both headed off to work.  I had a few yummy snacks { stuffed mushrooms + buffalo chicken quesadillas + roasted asparagus and brussels sprouts with an aioli + chips and our favorite salsa } ready for snacking when Hunter got off work at 9:30p with my favorite wine and his favorite beer surrounded by the soft glow of candles scattered throughout the house.  It was a fun intimate way to wind down from the day and enjoy the last bit of Valentine's Day together!  Sunday we both had the day off, so I spent some time in the kitchen first thing in the morning making us a really delicious breakfast { like super delicious.  I don't even feel embarrassed telling you guys how good something I made was.  ha! #notevenclosetohumblebrag #straightupbrag } and then we packed up and headed out skiing for a few hours.  The snow was less than ideal, but we skied for about an hour and a half before landing at our favorite ski bar { T Bar! } for a few beers.  We came home and relaxed a bit before our dinner reservations at Cafe Diva.  Holy Mother of Food Gods was it absolutely incredible.  Everyone in town has talked about how amazing this restaurant was and I was really worried about it not living up to the hype.  But!  It completely surpassed my expectations.  It's certainly a once a year special occasion meal { read: $$$$$$$ }, but I feel so lucky we were able to go.  Hunter got the Elk Tenderloin while I got the Winter Mushroom Fettucine.  We also shared the Peanut Butter and Bacon Sandwiches which made me literally moan in happiness with every single bite. { I'm so sorry for that visual. }  And I don't even care for meat!  But dang.  This thing was incredible.  All paired with a wonderful bottle of wine and we were happy campers.  Scratch that: incredibly full happy campers.

I'm currently watching this, while drinking this while making a grocery list to cook this after my Fierce 4 workout class tonight.  All in all, life is good.  Really good.  It's challenging, scary, confusing and frustrating but at the end of the day it's so good.  I think anything that makes you feel love so fiercely and leaves you confused sometimes, but oh so fulfilled other times is something worth thanking your lucky stars for.  Thanks for keeping up with my rambling thoughts. Even if you didn't keep up with them, I am thankful for this space to sort through my thoughts.

Hakuna Matata, friends. : >

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Monday, February 2, 2015

Being happy makes me happy.

I've had this really ugly fog of crankiness following me around for almost a week now.  It comes and goes but today it is lingering big time.  The last time I felt like this big of a crab apple, I pulled some images from my Being happy makes me happy Pinterest board for a blog post and felt a sliver of light and relief.  Here's to hoping that pulling some inspiring images today will shine that same sliver light and relief!