Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Self belief.



Every New Years Eve/New Years Day that Hunter and I have been together { save for the first NYE we were together.  We were too busy taping pop culture to our foreheads and drinking bottle after bottle of champagne. } we write out our new years resolutions and close them up in a mason jar without showing the other person.  Then, the following New Years Eve/Day we open up the jar and read each other's goals for that year and talk about how we succeeded in these goals and applied them to our daily life.  It's one of my favorite things ever.  This year I wrote down two goals.  I won't tell you the main one, but the 2nd resolution written in small writing under my big one was "…and quit my day job."  I wrote it with the sole intention of putting it out in the universe and seeing where it would take me in the months ahead.  Never ever when I wrote it did I think it would manifest within 30 days of writing it down!  January proved to be a big month for me.  I was pursued by a local business here in town and received a job offer.  I was tempted to accept this position but there were too many "ehh, this isn't ideal" moments than there were "omg this would be so fun!" moments.   But, it lit the fire and finally motivated me to do something about my current work situation.  Which again, wasn't a bad situation.  It was just fine.  

Ahh, that lovely word.  Fine.  The biggest eye opener that I needed a change in my day to day pretty much boiled down to the word fine.  Day after day { afterdayafterday } when I would get home from the office, Hunter and I would have this exact same conversation

him: How was your day today?!
her: It was fine.
him: Just fine?
her: Yea…just fine.

After 5 days in a row of that - it gets pretty old.  I realize that not every day will be fireworks, or challenging, or omg today was greatgoodfantastic!, but I wanted it to be better than fine.  Good gravy for my sanity I needed it to be better than fine!  

So what is next?  This Friday, March 20th will be my last day working as a Multimedia AdRep with the Steamboat Pilot and Today.  Ahh!  I will have { some much needed } time off before I start my new gig.  The new gig being taking over as manager for a local bed and breakfast here in town!  I am giddy with excitement for the challenges and opportunity that lies ahead of me.  I'm looking forward to more flexibility in my days, the thrill that comes with being responsible for running a fully functioning business and the chance to express creativity in a whole brand new spankin' way.  

You guys, I'm so excited.

I have received such incredibly sweet comments on my departure from the newspaper and the most unexpected and heartfelt encouragement for this next chapter in my life.  I keep saying that I wasn't necessarily looking for a new job, this new job found me.  Which makes leaving my crazy kewl co-workers and clients that much more difficult.  But with every change that I've been through in the past 2.5 years since leaving my comfort zone of Denver, I have great confidence that these friendships and routines that I've built up over the past year+ will take on a whole new beautiful spin of their own. 



I had jotted the above quote down several weeks ago while watching a Perennial Plate video.  It was another one of those quotes and ahhh'ha! moments that hit me square in the face.  A moment that was heavy with encouragement and potential.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Breathe.

If you've asked me "How are you?!" lately, what I want to respond with is "I'm tired.  I'm over worked.  I'm in desperate need of a quiet solo night in with candle after candle, girlie crap tv and wine.  And tea.  And my crochet.  I miss sleeping past 6:30am.  I miss not working everyday.  I miss being able to clean, and do crafts and being able to go for a leisurely walk and I miss spending my lunch break at the gym/going for a run versus working/quick meetings for the next big thing."  Instead, what I do respond with is "There has been a lot going on lately!  My days have been packed but it's wildly rewarding on top of painfully exhausting."  

My newspaper boss just asked me this afternoon "How are you doing?" and I said "Oh, I'm fine!" and she continued to ask me 3 times if I was sure.  Ha!  #walkingzombie #lookaway #monster  Anyway, I want to post a few things about what are making my crazed days a little less crazed and help me keep my eye on the prize.  

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The clean and simple updated blog designs to both Edible Perspective and Bev Cooks have left me all heart eyed not to mention itching for some downtime to work up giving my site a clean and simple facelift.

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Before I left for California this past December, I promised myself that I would drag my parents and take a trip to In n Out. I've only been there twice in the 5 years that my parents have lived in CA.  For some reason in December I was really craving that indulgence.  No surprise that I talked myself out of going and while my hips and ass are thankful we skipped the trip, my craving still hasn't subsided at all.  This copycat recipe snagged my attention and I would looooove to give it a go soon!

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Serial.  All the livelong day, Serial.  I had heard whisperings of the Serial podcast around, but it wasn't until I read LC's post on her favorite Podcasts that I finally bit.  Once I started listening, I could.not.stop.listening.  I posted this to my Facebook a few weeks ago:

Sometimes I'm unintentionally a little slow on jumping on the popular entertainment bandwagons. TV shows, movies etc. This week's bandwagon I finally jumped on? Podcasts. Most specifically Serial. Needless to say I'm absolutely, positively hooked. I'm on on Episode 07 and am already sad at the thought of catching up to the final Episode 12. Did Adnan do it?! Ahhhhhh!


And one of Hunter's high school best friends commented:


Oh man, my wife loved that radio podcast. I came home everyday to her with headphones on with this intense look on her face.


which made me laugh out loud.  Rather than listen to it with headphones, I would hook it up to Hunter's bluetooth speaker.  He would get home from work and try and greet me, ask about the day etc and I would just respond with wide eyed head nods before going to my phone and backing the Podcast up :30+ seconds as to not miss a single word.


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I will make homemade granola one of these days.  I will.  Right after I redesign my blog, get caught up on my craft projects, get a birthday gift from November in the mail and a Christmas gift from December in the mail.  This post got me all twitter-pated to get after it.  I.will.make.homemade.granola.

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One of my sweetest friends here in Steamboat shared this song/video with me this afternoon.  My very favorite part is where he repeats 

Each day that I wake, I will praise, I will praise.
Each day that I wake, I give thanks, I give thanks.
Each day that I wake, I will praise, I will praise.
Each day that I wake, I give thanks, I give thanks.
And they day that I don't wake up and transcend the holy makeup, I am capable, I am powerful.
The day that I don't wake up and transcend the holy make up, I am on my way to a different place.

Gah.  I was listening to this song not too closely while working on other things and that group of lyrics gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes.  It was such a beautiful reminder of this phase in my life to instead of blowing through the day living by a to-do list to pause and praise!  And give thanks!  It sounds quite cliche but also completely necessary to get through challenging times.

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This cozy image of relaxation, indulgence and comfort.  Give to me all the relaxation, indulgence and comfort!


::via::






Thursday, March 5, 2015

To my sister on her birthday.

March 5th brings me an unmeasurable amount of joy.  Year after year after year I wake up and notice extra sunshine, joy and kindness in the day.  It's always been a day to reflect on how much love my sister Katie has brought to my life.  It is a day to remember the years and years of sunshine that radiated from my life simply by knowing her.  It's a day to pause a little more than usual and be thankful for having this strong, determined and loving sister in my life.  In full disclosure it also comes with a fair amount of pain and sadness from being distanced both mentally and physically from Kate but that doesn't take away from the immense amount of love that I have for her.  That I will always have for her.  My life has a big ugly black hole that has come from missing my sister.  A hole that can only be filled with her love.  I have hope that someday the hole will be filled again.  

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To my sister on her birthday,

I hope you always remember how much you are loved.  Truly loved.  I hope you remember how cherished you were yesterday.  How cherished you are today.  How cherished you will be tomorrow.  I hope you know whenever and wherever that I will always be here for you.  I am so lucky to know you and to have been molded by your strength and guidance my entire life.  

I love you.  I love you.  I love you.
Buff

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

eat your fruits and vegetables // drink edition!

I have a l o t on my plate these upcoming 3 weeks so I am making an attempt at small changes in my day-to-day routine.  My hope is I can keep a clear head with a boost of energy and while getting a few additional nutrients in.  I won't be doing any crazy drastic, rather small things like reaching for a few oranges vs a handful of pretzels for a morning snack, making a myself cup of tea versus having a 2nd cup of coffee, blending up a smoothie in the evenings vs having a glass of wine to unwind.  

Two things that have been in heavy rotation during my work day lately have been bottomless cups of green tea and mason jar after mason jar of cayenne pepper + lemon water.  Here are a few reasons why I think you should enjoy these drinks, too!






So far I'm feeling more hydrated than ever and the cayenne pepper has done wonders for curving my morning snack attack.  I also get such a kick out of people wondering WTHeck I have a jar of cayenne pepper at my desk.  Ha!  I originally heard of the cayenne pepper + lemon water drink from my one and only Kris Carr and I go in waves of drinking a few glasses of it daily to forgetting about it for a few months.  I just bought a big ol' bag of organic lemons in an attempt to ride this hydration wave as long as possible!

It should be noted that I realize that I should be citing my sources for where I'm getting these little tidbits from.  Most of them so far have come from WebMD or other various online forums.  Maybe once I have a little more free time during my day I'll link to the sites.  All you research librarians out there please don't hate me!  I'm looking at you, Olson

Also, I loved the quote on my tea bag this morning and wanted to share:

Compassion has no limit.  Kindness has no enemy.

I've been extra cranky/tired these past few days so this came as a nice reminder this morning.

Have a great Wednesday, friends!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

hbd, hmm!

happy birthday to my favorite hot (hot, hot!) tamale.  


there isn't a day that goes by where i don't pause for a little moment of thanks and appreciation for how happy i am to know hunter and to have spent these last 3.5 years of pure adventure with him.  i am so thankful for his silly, determined, generous and spontaneous heart.

part of hunter's birthday gift was a surprise ski trip to taos new mexico for a long weekend.  i managed to keep it a secret from him for over a month now and i feel 10 pounds lighter after finally telling him this morning where we are going!  his brother, sister in law and niece and nephew will get into town this afternoon and we are hosting the entire family for a birthday dinner this evening.  i'm reminded of the birthday dinner we had up at snowy for hunter 2 years ago when we were living at the ski area.  the kids were running amuck, the wine { + whiskey if i'm being honest heehee } was flowing and we happened to plan a dinner menu eerily similar to what we are having this evening.  filet mignon, roasted veggies with mashed potatoes and a caesar salad { extra anchovies! } are what maddox birthdays are made of!

hunter's birthday//2012


happy birthday my love.  you mean more to me and the people around you than you will ever know.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Take the hint.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you are going about your day to day and all of a sudden think *OMGosh I really want pizza.  And suddenly whenever you pull up Instagram, or open the newspaper.  Hear a radio commercial or see a billboard...it's all about pizza.  People eating pizza, recipes for pizza, a new pizza restaurant opening in town, coupons for cheap pizza, the list goes on.  And you think, huh.  Well that's interesting.  Maybe it's a sign I should get pizza.  And the more you talk about it, the more you think about it all, the more pizza surrounds you.  Then!  You spread the circle a little bigger.  You start telling your friends, your boyfriend, your coworkers, your family how much you are craving pizza.  They all chime in with how good it sounds, too and Yeah you should really go get some!  The next thing you know, your evening plans are rearranged and bam! you are eating pizza.  


:: via + via::


I'm not just talking pizza here { though man, now pizza sounds so good }.  It could be a green juice that you've been craving or wanting a sign to buy that scarf you've had your eye on…maybe you need to see some motivation to start a new daunting craft project, or pulling the plug on buying a new sofa.  Maybe it's even something as big as pursuing that new job and new lifestyle that you've been lusting after for far too long.  Whatever it is, the point here is that once the thought of buying that thing, or changing that other thing creeps into your mind…it follows you everywhere.

For over a year now,  I've been approached by a local Steamboat business manager { who happens to be not just a good friend, but a good family friend of the Maddoxs' } trying to get me to come on board and work for her/with her.  The job she was propositioning me for was my dream job in so many ways.  It would open up so much more flexibility in my schedule, the opportunity for new avenues in which to express creativity, ways to push myself both mentally and physically and all around a beautiful chance for growth in my life.

But I was scared to make a change.  

Lord have mercy was I scared!  So scared that I ignored her requests for 12+ months.  I buckled down and kept on keeping on at my { how I now affectionally refer to it as my } 9a-5p, Monday-Friday, cubical bound, florescent light lit job.  And it was ok!  Really, things were truckling along and things were fine.  I started out in sales with some pretty sad numbers both in $$ booked and $$ in my bank account.  But I kept trying.  I kept working, I kept scheduling meetings with my clients.  I kept showing up to work knowing I could push my monthly %'s booked and!  I can confidently say that I grew my territory { and for what it's worth, my bank account too }.  But seeing those growth in numbers did nothing to make me more excited about my job.  It didn't make me want to work any harder to see how much higher I could grow those numbers and it didn't make me want to work any less.  I struggled with finding fulfillment with my job and always settled that argument with myself by saying "But I really enjoy my coworkers, I really enjoy working with { most of } my clients so it's ok if I'm not 100% fulfilled."  Until I realized that it really wasn't ok.

:: via + via ::

Of course here in the blog world there are 1,000,000,001 real life examples of people chasing their dreams.  Finding their ideal job!  Ditching the monotony of a desk job and chasing their passions.  Reading their stories used make me angry.  "How can you just do that?  How can you quit a steady paycheck and health insurance to open an online craft store/photography business/coffee shop { etcetcetc } and support yourself?!?!?!"  These stories made me angry until once day they didn't.  And I very timidly started putting myself in their shoes.  I started asking myself small questions of "What if I did quit my day job?  What would my day to day that look like?  How much would my quality of life change?  What would I even want to do?"  Of course I lucked out and found the most supportive partner who genuinely believes in me, sees talents I possess that I'm sometimes blind to and can recognize when one area of my life is causing so very much inner turmoil.  He helped me answer these little questions and he supported me when the biggest questions surfaced.  


:: via + via ::


Even with these little and big questions asked and answered, I was still scared.  I was scared of disappointing my current employer.  I was scared of not being able to fill the shoes of this new job.  I was scared financially and truthfully, I was scared of how I  would respond with freedom in my work schedule.  Even with all these lurking thoughts of doubt, there was one thing that remained; the unstoppable daydream of taking the leap to make this big change.  What remained was every time I would hop on Pinterest for a few minutes, half a dozen images similar to the ones in this blog post hit me square in the face.  What remained was that one voice that said "Beth, you can do this." that drowned out all the other voices that were saying "Stay comfortable.  Don't make the change."  

These quotes littered throughout this post are some examples of what I would see time and time again.  These quotes are my example of pizza in the above paragraph.  I knew that I could only ignore them for so long until I had to stop ignoring all the signs and it was time take the hint.

Ya'll know me enough by now to know that I'll have to split this up into like 3 posts with my chronic over thinking/analyzing.  Thoughts and updates to continue in the upcoming days.


*To drive this point home even further, I want to say that I've had 3 pizza related things happen to me / come up in conversation just in the few short hours it's taken me to start writing this post.  It is all very Law of Attraction of you, Universe. 



Monday, February 16, 2015

All the feels.

I've sat down at least 3 times this past week to complete unfinished posts I have in the archives but the second my fingers hit the keys my thoughts instantly poof into thin air.  Whenever I have so many words swirling in my head, I typically go into self inflicted writers block as far as this blog is concerned.  The only way I can think to break through this is to just write.  So enjoy this blog post of scattered thoughts, stories and emotions.  So many emotions. #allthefeels

My heartstrings are being pulled into so many different directions lately.  I'm feeling especially emotional and sensitive to the biggest of big or the smallest of small things.  January was a hard month for me, and I'm thrilled to say that February is not following suit.  Two weekends ago, we spent a long weekend at Snowy with the family and the second we pulled into the parking lot, I immediately felt myself calm down and unwind.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - those nieces and nephews of ours are magical.  We spent the entire weekend laughing, cuddling, chasing, playing, smooching, hugging and laughing some more.  We had a pretty special birthday on Sunday and everyone came together in perfect unity to celebrate.

There are so many changes and potential changes on the horizon.  I'm finding myself caught up on what could be that I'm not focusing on what is.  For reasons I can't explain, I'm feeling especially nostalgic and emotional about every. little. thing. that comes my way.  Hunter and I watched Into the Wild a few weeks ago and you guys.  I'm embarrassed to even type this out but at the end of the movie I was in such hysterics we literally just laid in bed with Hunter holding me as I shook from crying so hard and he whispered positive thoughts into my ear.  Yesterday was my dad's 61st birthday and I wrote a little note on Facebook wishing him a Happy Birthday, then proceeded to just sit there and cry for 15+ minutes about how much I love him and what an amazing man he is.  I really can't explain either of those two examples but they were very real.  Just ask Hunter.  Ha!

This time of year is always a fun one for us.  Three years ago right around this time is when Hunter and I really hit our stride in our relationship and had so many amazing firsts going on.  Our first New Years together, our first Valentine's Day, celebrating our birthdays for the first time together, our first spontaneous weekend get away together etc.  Being up at Snowy last weekend brought back hundreds of memories from when we lived up there 2 winters ago.  I desperately miss seeing those kiddos on a daily basis and I really love watching the interaction of Hunter with his brother and his dad, yet I love our life here in Steamboat and can't even imagine leaving.  It's hard sorting through missing someone and something so fiercely and figuring out how to get it back in your life in a healthy manner.

I've been playing with my diet more and more the past few weeks.  During the holidays I definitely introduced meat into my diet on a regular basis, but I didn't love that I did.  I've been craving different foods…non-vegan foods lately and it was freaking me out.  I never really understood the phrase "Listen to what your body wants" because I always thought that meant I would be eating french fries and nachos and tater tots daily with the excuse of "What?!  It's what my body wanted!"  But the past few weeks I have been craving eggs so this time I'm understanding that on whatever level, my body wants and needs the nutrition in eggs.  Eggs don't necessarily agree with my system, so that's been challenging but I'm still figuring it all out.  I'm toying with the idea of doing my Crazy Sexy Diet cleanse after Hunter's birthday to kind of reset my body.  I've always had such a great experience with that cleanse, I'm excited for the challenge again.  Hunter and I watched { I re-watched but it was the first time Hunter had seen it } the Hungry for a Change documentary { it's also on Netflix! }.  I truly feel like I could watch movie that once a day for an entire month and never tire of the knowledge and wisdom packed into the 90 minutes.  I can relate to various topics in the film that it felt good to have someone spell different questions or concerns out for me.  My favorite part was the ending where it talked about self love and how much our thoughts and actions can affect { positively and negatively! } our health.  Self love and care is something I need to make more of a priority in my life.

Hunt's birthday is in 9 days { I mean….who is counting?! } and I have a surprise trip planned for him that I am so crazy excited for.  I can't wait to pack up and get away with my main squeeze and file away another great birthday trip in the books.  Last year we spent his birthday weekend at Monarch for a relaxing and lovely ski weekend while the year before we had a long { amazing, perfect, adventurous, spontaneous, beautiful } weekend skiing our way through Montana for his birthday.  I really think this trip will live up to the excitement of years past.  It's a surprise for Hunter but I've been giving him Clue Cards the past few weeks letting him in on a few highlights of the trip and will tell him on his birthday where we are going { we leave the day after his birthday, the 26th! }.  Eep!

We spread our Valentine's Day celebration over 2 days this year.  Hunter and I both worked on Valentine's Day but we got an early morning workout and hot springs soak in together before we both headed off to work.  I had a few yummy snacks { stuffed mushrooms + buffalo chicken quesadillas + roasted asparagus and brussels sprouts with an aioli + chips and our favorite salsa } ready for snacking when Hunter got off work at 9:30p with my favorite wine and his favorite beer surrounded by the soft glow of candles scattered throughout the house.  It was a fun intimate way to wind down from the day and enjoy the last bit of Valentine's Day together!  Sunday we both had the day off, so I spent some time in the kitchen first thing in the morning making us a really delicious breakfast { like super delicious.  I don't even feel embarrassed telling you guys how good something I made was.  ha! #notevenclosetohumblebrag #straightupbrag } and then we packed up and headed out skiing for a few hours.  The snow was less than ideal, but we skied for about an hour and a half before landing at our favorite ski bar { T Bar! } for a few beers.  We came home and relaxed a bit before our dinner reservations at Cafe Diva.  Holy Mother of Food Gods was it absolutely incredible.  Everyone in town has talked about how amazing this restaurant was and I was really worried about it not living up to the hype.  But!  It completely surpassed my expectations.  It's certainly a once a year special occasion meal { read: $$$$$$$ }, but I feel so lucky we were able to go.  Hunter got the Elk Tenderloin while I got the Winter Mushroom Fettucine.  We also shared the Peanut Butter and Bacon Sandwiches which made me literally moan in happiness with every single bite. { I'm so sorry for that visual. }  And I don't even care for meat!  But dang.  This thing was incredible.  All paired with a wonderful bottle of wine and we were happy campers.  Scratch that: incredibly full happy campers.

I'm currently watching this, while drinking this while making a grocery list to cook this after my Fierce 4 workout class tonight.  All in all, life is good.  Really good.  It's challenging, scary, confusing and frustrating but at the end of the day it's so good.  I think anything that makes you feel love so fiercely and leaves you confused sometimes, but oh so fulfilled other times is something worth thanking your lucky stars for.  Thanks for keeping up with my rambling thoughts. Even if you didn't keep up with them, I am thankful for this space to sort through my thoughts.

Hakuna Matata, friends. : >