Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I remember my very first day of Graphic Design school, our instructor Yvonne showed us an image of a blank piece of paper with a sharpened pencil laying over it.  She had us look at it for a few minutes before we tried to answer what it was we were looking at.  Being the new design student I was, I so didn't get it.  One of my beautifully talented classmates did, however, and pointed out how it was meant to symbolize an artists nightmare.  Blank piece of paper, theoretically endless opportunities for said artist to create, but for whatever reason it may be, the artists block takes place, and as hard as you try, you can't even coax anything to come out of that pencil to create on the sheet of paper.

Why the long winded opening paragraph?  I've felt this artist's writers block for a few weeks now.  My mind has been on overdrive memorizing this first month of unemployment { a month already!!! } and the first few weeks of our new life up here at Snowy while carefully constructing sentences in my head to translate and record to this blog.  To share with you the things I want to remember forever and ever.  When I go to sit and write all that is swirling around in my head, I go completely blank, and somewhat nervous to try and properly document this all.  I've wanted to sit down and tell you all about my beautiful and sincere going away party.  About my emotionally exhausting yet wonderful last day of work.  I've wanted to tell you more about our drive to Arizona, and the over-the-top magnificent hospitality I received, the new cousins I met, the memories made with my great uncle.  I've wanted to take time and write down every single memory I have from my 2 weeks spent in California with the 3 people I adore the most in this world.  I wanted to tell you all about how this Christmas, I do believe, has been my most favorite Christmas in close to 5 years.  Maybe even 10.  I've wanted to get down on paper my 15 year old-like nerves for bringing a boy home to my parents for the first time ever, and how seamlessly he fit in.  How I would swoon over him taking the time to help my dad with figuring out his phone, { which seems to be a never ending process that doesn't even matter how many years he's had the phone to get used to it ;}.  I wanted to tell you about our carefree day spent at the ocean, and the hundreds...literally hundreds of stories my great uncles and aunts told over those two weeks.  I want to tell you about how it really felt like I left a piece of my heart and soul in California when I had to say goodbye to my family, and how I walked away feeling closer in relationships to every single person I had crossed in that trip.  I so badly want to sit down and tell you about every little smile Chloe shines our way in just one day, how her little tongue she sticks out at us could very well be the cutest little teeny tiny tongue I've seen in my existence.  I want to brag about Charlie's BAD ASS bedhead he has morning after morning, nap after nap and when he looks at you with those big doey eyes and pleas for you to "pay trainsss???" I can't imagine one single other activity in the entire world that is more important in that second than in fact, paying trains.  I want to tell you how I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with something cuter that I've seen in my 27 years of existence cuter than my boyfriend, holding his 3 year old nephew who has a super hero cape attached to his "Superhero in Training Shirt" and "flying" him around the kitchen with his superpowers.  I would tell you about how I unload the dishwasher sometimes up to 3 times a day, but I can't fathom complaining about it because before we had the dishwasher, we'd have 7-9 people's dirty dishes sitting in the sink waiting to be hand washed, and after you have to hand wash 7-9 people's dirty dishes x3 meals for a few weeks, you will never, ever, ever complain about loading and unloading a dishwasher 3 times a day.  I so desperately want to tell you that I have found my new favorite way to read a book; in the dark, with a headlamp on my head, book in lap, beer around a hand knit necklace coozy { how these came to be is an entirely different blog post } roaring up a ski mountain in a snow cat being driven by Hunter.  I want to tell you how fulfilling it is to get to cook dinners for these men up here who work so, so hard, and how thankful I am that they eat my cashew cheese/tofu ricotta experiments with absolutely zero complaints.  I want to sit down and write a completely separate blog post about how Hunter, Bob and I spent the weekend in Denver and my complete whirlwind of emotions going back to the city, seeing my friends in our regular stomping grounds.  How driving through the city I realized the streets I once drove up and down alone and discovered alone, I now had Hunter to drive up and down and discover with.  I would tell you about the oh so quiet and blissful 4 hours I had to my own on Saturday, which was the most I've spent by myself in well over a month, and I enjoyed each and every single second of it, but also was itching for the door to open and Hunter/Bob to walk back in.  I would love to tell you how beautifully blessed I feel to have had the opportunity to stay in a loft in Downtown Denver where you really, truly and honestly feel like you have the entire city of Denver at your fingertips.  I would tell you that it was such a treat to see my favorite coworkers over the weekend, but after hearing about office drama, affairs, and hearing snide comments from people whom I've always struggled to find common ground with, has solidified that that chapter is in fact closed and I've made the right decision being where I am.  I would explain to you the inner struggles I've been having with spending all my time with only Hunter's friends and Hunter's family.  How the only time I have to my own during the day is when I shower.  I would try my hardest to explain how I struggle daily with doing too much, saying too much and of course doing too little and saying too little up here.  But I would be quick to counter that statement saying I knew when we agreed to move up here that that all would be the case, and how I feel like it is a big loud chaotic dysfunctional apartment living, but I can't imagine living anywhere else right now.  I would then thank you for listening as really I think that's all I want is someone to listen to the highs and lows of this new adventure regardless of how miniscule or giant they may seem to be.  I would tell you how I cherish the mornings when I sign on to my email and always, I mean ALWAYS have an email waiting in there from my mom.  How I am so grateful to Gmail Chat and Skye for still being able to talk daily to Mary, Shannon and Amie.  How I would go nutso off the grid lost if I didn't have them to still shoot the shit with.  I would tell you how receiving photos like this, and the gut splitting hilarious story that goes with them can totally change my day around, and makes the sun shine brighter.

I would tell you how I spontaneously booked a week long vacation to go see Amie in the east coast, and it still seems surreal that I get to spend a week with the person who most often knows me better than I know myself.  I would tell you how these first few weeks of 2013 have proved to me how irreplaceable good friends and family are, and that you need to celebrate every single person you have in your life right now with often, crazy and silly celebrations.

Thanks for helping me get through my little writing block.  If I could, I would overshare so much more than I already have above...but for now, that will have to suffice.  Thanks for listening friends.


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