Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Hug a child today.

I am sentimental.
I hold on to moments/things/people.  
   > Probably for too long.
I am sappy.
I am nalstalgic. 
I am emotional.
  > Often to a fault.

Sometimes I try and keep these under wraps.  Keep them to myself and not make a big deal of  it.  But sometimes they come out.  Sometimes I tear up over driving past the first place Hunter took me out to drinks.  Sometimes I rubberneck a little too far and want to rush up and hug old apartments I've lived in, old coffee shops I frequented, favorite restaurants I've dined at with my finest friends.  Then again, this is from the girl who cries without fail at Folgers commercials day after day.  { I can't help it!  THEY ARE SO SWEET. }

Sometimes I see videos pop up on youtube with the line of "Children's Hospital Performs Katy Perry's Roar" and I just know I'm screwed.

We lost my little cousin 4+ years ago to brain cancer.  Diagnosed at the age of 6, passed away days after her 8th birthday.  Exactly 14 months went by from the day we found out about the cancer, to the day we lost her to the cancer.  I could go on for hours about this little girl, but I'll save that for later.  I had the most amazing support system through it all {Karley, remember when you and Robby surprised me at Morgan's benefit?!  I could never forget that moment! } { Also, my aunt and I worked together at the time, and our coworkers really came together to support her and I during that impossible time. }, though I will say, one of the biggest things I struggled with during her diagnosis was sharing her story and hearing "I just couldn't read your update this morning because it was too hard to see."  "I couldn't deal with seeing something so depressing."  Oh really?!!  Because my family chooses to not only click the link but write the update article and chooses to deal with seeing a 6 year old sick with cancer day after day.  It's not a choice.  It's life.  I was angry that for them it was as simple as not clicking a link to have to deal with the pain of reading what was on the other side of that click, where we were had to face head on with this tragedy.

I can see now I was projecting my anger and frustrations at those responses { ok maybe I'm still a little bitter }, and it was our journey to process, not necessarily theirs.  Though I will bugged the shit out of me.

So!  When I saw this video, I knew it wasn't going to be easy to watch.  I knew it was going to be sad and bring up old feelings/memories, but I knew I would be the biggest hypocrite if I chose not to watch it for fear of what I'd see.  So I clicked, watched, and cried { howled, in fact } but I'm so glad I did.  

Pretty amazing, yes?

I haven't talked about Morgan much on my blog, simply because it all happened before I started writing this little ditty.  If you care to read more about our little angel, here is a link with the story and a video I refer to every few months.  I watch the video mostly to see Morgan's smirk but also to keep the memory of that difficult time alive.  I learned and grew so very much during those 14 months, and it was such an important time in my life.  It brought our family closer, and ripped us apart at the same time.  It was the most real and raw experience for me to date.

Love you, Morgan Dawn!


  1. Chilllllzzzz! Sweet little Morgan Dawn!

  2. Auughhh I didn't know! How sad :( Los siento por tu...loss

  3. loved that little ball of sunshine. I will NEVER forget BOTH calls I got when she got cancer, and then again. Love you friend. PS the click of the video you posted is in NH, did you know that? :)

  4. As I wipe the tears out of my eyes, I am so grateful that you are continuing to spread her spirit, her story and her smile with all of us. I know it is a constant struggle and I am so proud of your grace through it all. Morgan would be so proud!