Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Full dance card.

Warning: Whinny bitchy blogger behind the keyboard.  Abandon current internet window and click on the always happy-go-lucky blogger with posts of sunshine and rainbows shooting out of their asses if not up for the task of seeing a not so happy-and-go-lucky Beth.  

Lately it feels like my days has been consumed by events.  Wake up, walk the dog, go to work, go to gym, cook dinner, work on freelance, sleep, repeat.  I feel like I'm constantly asking myself the question of "What am I supposed to be doing now?"  Working?  Working out?  Helping out friends?  Unpacking?  Cleaning?  Catching up on phone calls with friends that have fallen to the wayside?  Walking the dog?  I've become utterly consumed with what I should be doing, and forgetting the things I want to be doing.  Examples: I want to cozy up with a hot cup of tea and watch a chick flick while working on crocheting my blanket, but the should part of my brain takes over, and I spend another 3 hours behind the computer at home after 8 hours behind the computer during the day.  I want to take a walk and explore my neighborhood, but will that be enough exercise?  So, I do what I feel like I should do and go to the gym instead.  I should focus on not spending carelessly so by virtue of that I bypass the cute teeny restaurants surrounding my house that I've been wanting to try for weeks now and spend the night eating at home.

Don't get me wrong.  I love going to the gym.  I love the ability to get creative and work on freelance.  And if you don't know by now that I love cooking, you had best just close this window right meow.  But I don't love feeling like I need to do that all the time.

Also, do you know that there has been 2 weekends since the end of July that I haven't packed up, set off and for at least one day of the weekend?  I love weekend trips, I really, really, reallyreallyreally do.  But what happened to the slow Saturday mornings of coffee and Food Network?  Or going to bed super early to enjoy a good glass of wine and book?  Trying to make plans like a simple Saturday morning brunch with friends has lately gotten my response of "Sorry, I'm out of town this weekend..."  This past Saturday morning, I had a mild anxiety attack while folding my laundry thinking that I didn't have time to fold clothes and I needed to get to work on my computer.  Follow that up with such a packed event evening on Saturday night, that I ended up breaking down, multiple times, to really anyone who would listen - and in this case it was poor Hunter.

What I'm trying to say I miss the simpler days, and I miss the slower days, and if I don't make a change to achieve a slower lifestyle I will continue down this path of breaking down and sobbing while brushing my teeth at Hunter's house.  Do you know how embarrassing that is to look back on the next day?  No bueno peeps.  No.  Bueno.

I was venting bitching to Amie about it all this weekend and her exact advice?

Sounds like you need to cancel all plans for the week and sit home with a blanket, wine and watch reality tv all week.  No lie.

She told me that Sunday morning, and let me show you what my Sunday night looked like:

And allow me to show you what my Monday night looked like:

Not pictured: Blanket, wine + reality tv.

And I can't wait to show you what my night tonight will look like.

I am walking the oh so very thin line of treating life as a business meeting and forgetting how to blow off steam by just having some good old fashioned f{u}cking fun.  My idol Kris Carr posted this on Facebook last week and it couldn't have come at a better time.

Kris Carr
September 14  Amidst the KrisCarr.com website renovation extravaganza (Monday is the BIG reveal!), I've missed out on some precious zzzzs. No more! This weekend, I'm committed to giving my mind and body the eight hours of rest and repair it deserves. 
How will YOU practice some self-care smarts this weekend? xo

Simply put; I'm not practicing self-care smarts and I most certainly am not focusing on rest and repair.  Period, the end, discussion closed.  { I prooooooobably could have just posted that and that alone while skipping the rant, but it felt WAY better getting it all off my chest. }

More posts of sunshine and rainbows tomorrow...I promise.  Until then, I'll be buried under a blanket, with a good book, or good shit reality tv.  I haven't decided which quite yet...

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